Episode 2: The Press Release

FADE IN: Sam's Office- Evening

SAM SEABORN, Phantom Deputy Communications Director, is staring at a sheet of paper on his desk with concern and fear; it seems to be made of something impossible to fathom. He's deep in thought when JOSH LYMAN appears in his door frame.

JOSH: You seem...concerned?

SAM: He didn't use it.

JOSH: He didn't use what?

SAM: The press release I wrote.

JOSH smirks and sits.

JOSH: Does that surprise you? I would have been surprised if he could read all of the words in the press release you wrote. Was it written in crayon?

SAM isn't impressed and we cut back to JOSH to see the self-satisfied smile fade from his face and be replaced with realization.

JOSH: Wait...what release are we talking about?

SAM: The one I made for Holocaust Remembrance Day. He initially asked the State Department to do it but they were too busy looking in the basement for the document telling them what the State Department actually does. I told them to look in the boxes in the basement and all would be revealed. They could have sworn their official task was just picking fights with Arnold Schwarzenegger on Twitter.

JOSH laughs now, but it's diminished.

JOSH: What did they use instead?

SAM: Well, mine had the normal stuff.

SAM gets up and walks around, the once napalm paper now angrily gripped in his hand. He's now quoting, or at least paraphrasing

SAM: We take this day to remember and keep the memory alive like Elie Weisel wanted us to. We mourn for each of the millions of Jews persecuted on behalf of hate and fear. I had the word xenophobia in there but changed it for "being scared of other people" because I was afraid President Gropey would pronounce the "X".

JOSH give fake anger.

JOSH: Hey, that President Gropey signs your checks. That's Massa President Gropey to you.

SAM: I should be at Gage Whitney.

JOSH: And miss the show?

SAM: Anyway, there's one key difference between the releases. I was impressed that Reince got his head out Donald J.'s ass to formulate what, in most simulations, could be found as empathy. One problem.

JOSH: It was written in crayon. Please tell me they used Crayloa. That RoseArt garbage is for schools in Missouri who have textbooks from before-

SAM: He didn't mention the Jews, Josh.

Pause. Silence. Weight.

JOSH: So, wait...it's offering sympathy to...all sides?

SAM nods silently.

JOSH: Even the-

SAM: Even them, yes. Sean got on the mic and said that it was because other people died too. CJ about had an aneurism at that moment. I can't help but wonder if we just instituted a new holiday.

JOSH: Nazi Remembrance Day. Give a big Heil Hitler to that one, sailor.

CUT TO COMMERCIAL