FADE IN: Int. White House Press Room, Day
CJ walks in wearing a black strapless gown and heels. She's dressed to go to a ball, a vision of class...but it's 9 a.m. The rest of the PRESS CORPS stops writing and mumbling as CAROL helps her onto the platform at the front of the room.
CAROL hands her her portfolio and she opens it up.
CJ: Alright, let's get started. First off, I wanted to mention that President Cheeto has officially put Iran, as he puts it, on notice. It means that we...I think...notice them across the room.
Light laughter from the CORPS.
CJ: But seriously, Iran is in deep trouble with the President. When I asked Sean what the problem was he told me that they did some bad things at one point. That's literally the answer I got. So...there you have it. They'll be in the corner with a dunce cap on until further notice.
Light laughter again then an interruption.
KATIE: CJ, I have to ask. Why are you dressed up like the Prime Minister of Malaysia is in town? Did we miss something on the schedule.
CJ: No, President Gropey has asked that all females in his staff dress like women. I couldn't find my purse and my vacuum is too heavy to haul in here without Secret Service help and that just seemed like a waste of resources. So, I had this back from the dry cleaner and Bob's your uncle. More hand raising. Bruce!
BRUCE: What did the President mean by "dress like a woman?"
CJ: Well you would have to ask him or one of his trained monkeys, but my guess was that I was looking pretty lesbian-y before in my pants and suits and professional work wear from the 2000s forward. Like I said, the Donna Reed look might have to wait for next week. Danny! Pause. On second thought, anyone but Danny.
Danny looks faux offended as he writes some things down.
REPORTER: Did the President say...wait...why the hell are we here?
CJ: I was wondering how long it would take you. Since we are the fake senior staff and the real senior staff are either relatives of Trump or actual real lizard people, you've been classified as fake news sources. You've been called, and I quote, (she looks at notes and smiles) "faker than fake. Worse than Arnold's ratings." So, please be proud. You'll be in this press room until, as Sean says, you can learn to behave yourselves. That's all for now.
CJ leaves with Carol's help and exits the room to
INT Communications Bullpen
DANNY miraculously shows up.
DANNY: Saw you evading my questions back there.
CJ: You didn't have a question.
DANNY: You don't know. It could have been a great question. It could have been on topic and germane and witty, probing and thoughtful.
CJ turns heel on him and stands in the middle of the hallway, the entrance to her office in obscured view.
CJ: Okay, Murrow. You have ten seconds to dazzle me with this question.
DANNY pauses and smiles. There's a few seconds in silence before...
DANNY: See you at home?
CJ: Bet your sweet bippy.
DANNY: You don't even know what a bippy is.
CJ: NEITHER DO YOU!
END SCENE
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